Dave Says: Parents’ financial gifts should be included in a family’s monthly budget

Dear Dave,

I brought about $15,000 in student loan debt into our marriage. I’m 26, my wife is 27, and we’ve been married a little over a year. During that time, our parents have helped us out with financial gifts occasionally. Whenever this happens, my wife and I get into an argument. She likes to use the cash they give us to have fun, but I think we should use it to pay down debt and get our finances in order. What is your opinion?

Kent

Dear Kent,

If your parents didn’t specify what the money is for, then it’s up to you guys to decide together how it will be used. In my mind, the fun needs to be put on hold for a while.

You’ve already told me you have at least $15,000 in debt. If there’s more debt in the picture, I’d advise listing all your debts, and begin knocking them out from smallest to largest using the debt snowball system. Debt is risk, and as long as it’s around it’s eating up your largest wealth-building tool—your income.

I’m sure your wife is a good, smart lady. But it’s time she started being a little more mature when it comes to financial matters. Let her know how important this is to you and why it’s so important to your future as a couple. You two should be working together and getting your financial house in order as a team.

I recommend treating the money from your parents just like a paycheck. That means including it in a written, monthly budget, and taking care bills, debt, and any other financial responsibilities you have first. Trust me, there’ll be plenty of time for fun later. The amount of student loan debt you have isn’t astronomical, but it does need to be cleaned up as fast as possible.

Once that’s taken care of, you’ll be able to really concentrate on saving and investing—and yes, some fun along the way!

— Dave

Teaching the value of work

Dear Dave,

What are your views on teaching children good work habits? Many of our friends don’t require their kids to help out or work around the house, but we both strongly feel that instilling a strong work ethic early in life is one of the best things you can do as a parent for your children.

Deshay

Dear Deshay,

I’m so glad you both feel that way. Our culture has made many great advances to ensure the happiness and well-being of children. But too many parents today are so centered on what their children want that they have lost perspective on what their children need.

Perspective, or looking at life over time, demands that you teach children to work. Teaching a child to work is not child abuse. We teach them to work not for our benefit, but because it gives them dignity in a job well done today and the tools and character to win as adults in the future.

In my mind, children should be taught to work just like you’d teach them to bathe or brush their teeth—as a necessary life skill. An adult who has no clue how to tackle a job and finish it with pride is every bit as debilitated as an adult with body odor or green teeth. If your child graduates from high school, and his or her only skill set consists of playing video games, eating fast food and believing the world owes them something, you’ve set up your child to fail.

Another benefit of teaching a child the wonder of work is they may grow to lose a little respect for those who refuse to work. I’m not talking about folks who lost jobs due to unforeseen circumstances and are trying to get back on their feet, or someone who genuinely cannot work. I’m talking about folks who refuse to look for, or accept, gainful employment.

My wife and I noticed that our kids, as they grew older, didn’t pursue relationships with people who didn’t understand the value of work and demonstrate the character traits of mature, hardworking people. And that was wonderful news to us!

— Dave

Dave Ramsey is a seven-time #1 national best-selling author, personal finance expert, and host of The Ramsey Show, heard by more than 18 million listeners each week. He has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Today Show, Fox News, CNN, Fox Business, and many more. Since 1992, Dave has helped people regain control of their money, build wealth and enhance their lives. He also serves as CEO for Ramsey Solutions.

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